We all want to be liked, but sometimes, getting people to like us can seem like a real struggle. You say the wrong thing, forget a name — or maybe even manage to make yourself look (and feel) awkward during hang outs. These issues are just human nature, but there’s so much you can do to improve your likeability. All you need to implement is a few basic social skills to turn on the charm.
Can you really become more “likeable” without totally changing who you are? YES! According to Dale Carnegie, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming more interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” It’s all about being a better listener, complaining less, and learning to apologize for your mistakes. Here’s the facts!
Here are the 4 Top Ingredients for Bulletproof Likeability.
Avoid Being Judgemental
We’ve all done it — and we don’t always mean to, either. You give that disapproving eye-roll when a friend begins a story about a choice they’ve made that you might not necessarily agree with.
There’s nothing wrong with disagreeing, but this kind of response only demonstrates your feelings of superiority. Plainly put, it makes you a bad friend. Avoid it by showing empathy and imagining yourself in others personal situations, conveying that you sympathize what they might be going through. It’s difficult, but even saying, “Hey, that must have been really challenging” is better than an eye-roll.
Try your best to speak from a place of compassion, even if you don’t agree. Not only will you be better perceived, but you’ll also be more likely to have them listen when you try to influence them in the right direction, too.
Stop the Negativity
Debbie Downer, Negative Nancy and Pissy Peter are all the worst kind of nicknames to be labeled with. Negative people are an energy suck and only bring down those around them. Instead of constantly complaining about everything, try to see the brighter side in things. The glass is half-full, not half-empty.
When you bring positivity to an individual or group, you help change the focus and dynamic to a more energetic vibe. That makes you the source of joy and happiness — someone everyone enjoys being around. Once you master the art of being cheerful and encouraging, you’ll see the invitations to every get-together roll in!
Say You’re Sorry
Although it’s just five letters, “sorry” is one of the most powerful words in the English language. Sadly, it also happens to be rarely spoken. For a variety of reasons, many people become defensive and hold their ground instead of apologizing when they should, and that comes across as arrogance.
On the other hand, a well-placed apology demonstrates empathy, listening skills, and understanding. It tells the person you’re communicating with that you recognize your failing and really care about making it right. The only catch? It has to be sincere; sarcasm and snide tones have no place in this arena.
Saying sorry isn’t always an admission of guilt, either. Taking accountability for your mistakes is very important, but sometimes, people unintentionally hurt or offend people without even meaning to. Whether intentional or not, apologizing is still one of the best ways to show you understand the other person’s feelings. It doesn’t make you weak; it makes you a stronger person in the eyes of the people you surround yourself with.
Practice “Deep Listening”
There’s an old quote that goes something like this: we have two ears and only one mouth, enabling us to listen twice as much as we speak. But being well liked and a better friend requires more than just passively listening to what others have to say.
According to writer Julia Clavien, deep listening refers to being focused entirely on what the other person is saying, rather than spending the entire conversation “reloading” or planning what you intend to say next. If you are constantly focused on your own thoughts, you aren’t listening to what the other person is saying.
In order to build trust in your relationships, you should try to be more present and engaging in conversations with others by interrupting less and asking questions. These simple steps will tell your friends you care about them and their thoughts because it lets you show interest in their words, not just your own point.
Being well-liked isn’t rocket science, but it does take effort. Once you realize you have the power to demonstrate likeable qualities, engaging with others becomes a matter of practice. Ultimately, everyone likes to feel heard, listened to, and appreciated, and if you show others that’s how you feel about them, they’ll be more likely to return the favor.
~Here’s to Your Success